I just learned that IGNORANCE and STUPIDITY are two completely diffterent Things.

IGNORANCE. As per Wikipedia, it is defined as the state of being uninformed. Let's see how they define STUPIDITY. Well, it is defined as lack of intelligence, understanding, reason, wit or sense.

That's what I learned. Last 14 July, I had to go Melbourne CBD for an interview. Since I am living in a suburban area of Western Melbourne, I had to take the train going to the city (I can't really just depend on people at home, letting them drive me back and forth everytime I wanna go somewhere). The day before my interview, Hubby printed out a map of the city as my guide. I said, thanks! He asked me to study it so I know my way. I said, yep ok! He asked me if I know what ticket I should get. I replied, "Yeah, I know, it's Zone 1 ticket". Talking about stubbornness, I'm the queen! Hubby, being an Obsessive-Compulsive one sometimes, asked me again the day of my interview what ticket I should get. And you know the way I answered.

So I was in the train station alone. I was so proud of myself cos finally I would be going city alone. Yay, I'm a big girl.

Then the disaster of the day happened.

Inside the train, my phone rang. It was Hubby so I answered.

Hubby: Lublub, where are you now?
Me: Inside the train.
Hubby: Cool, did u get the right ticket. Can you read it to me?
Me: Of course. Hang on.. (Pause) uh-oh!


He was really furious! I got the wrong ticket. Instead of getting Zone 1, I got Zone 2.

SOooooo stupid! I even had the guts to tell him when I got home that I was new to it so he should spare me.

He wasn't convince it was ignorance. So what else could it be?

I want to be a NURSE. Again.

My Dialysis Family

I was watching an Australian show today called Nurses. I realized, I missed doing what I love to do. Well at least I used to do.

Attached is my Dialysis photo with my colleagues. Oh, I just miss doing this.

I Don't Mind Waiting

Another night has again passed by-- and night is the hardest part of the day for me. It’s when the busy pace of the city life slows down, number of buses and cabs in the streets lessen, and darkness fell over the city with only electricity illuminates the establishments around. And silence rings through my ears—the silence that slowly kills me. It’s when night time that I realize I’m alone. It’s when I remember you the most. It’s when I cry the most.

I just can’t get to sleep now. I’m not excited bout tomorrow or the next day because it’s gonna be another painful and sad day. It’s another day of waiting, another day of crying over those memories we had, and memories we could have spent together—if only you were here.

How many miles am I away from you? Hundreds? Thousands? Oh well, it doesn’t tell how far. I guess it’s just too far.

I wish you know how painful it is for me just imagining you out of reach. I long to touch you, I long to hold your hands, I long to feel your face through my fingers. But I just can’t. I wish to hug you and give you warm kiss on your lips whenever you’re somber.

But I think those are impossible. Well, not if you’re here. I think of those times, imagining I will wake up one morning and you’re beside me. It hurts me so much that those aren’t happening—that those are blurred. It kills me that I just can’t do anything to comfort you in times you’re not feeling any good and you’re down. I feel so helpless that I just can’t do anything to be with you.

All I can do is cry. Maybe I have to let it out, because if I don’t, I’ll be terribly ill. Pain and sadness are the meanest things that could possibly kill you—emotionally. And now I can feel I am being devoured by those beasty feelings.

The pain in waiting is really excruciating. It’s more painful than slitting my wrist (But I’m not gonna do it of course, I’ll be double dead if I wont be able to see you). Perhaps that’s the reason why I just can’t sleep at night. It’s just painful and hard to handle.

I’m tired now. I wish I could sleep now. I wish I could bear that pain, and wake up one morning seeing your calm face smiling next to mine. I wish I’ll be hearing those words I long to hear from you—SOON.

I wish that day would come, and we’ll never be apart. May I have peaceful nights and blissful mornings with you.

I don’t mind waiting though. I just miss you.

Past.How I am Loving It

How significant PAST is for you?

Well for me, it’s one of my teachers. PAST taught me a lot. It taught me how to look back and never forget where I came from, how to move on, and give me the best experience of learning.

A very special friend just sent me an SMS. I really liked how she appreciated our friendship—a friendship that was shallowly-cultivated from the past.

“… I still remember tayo magkasama at buddy nung 1^st year. Hehe, thanks din girl kasi I had met you along my way. God is really good indeed di ba? See how God works also, in our friendship, though in silence we both care for each other. Hehe, you’re still the special girl I knew since then. And God makes a way for us to cultivate more that friendship na masyado nabigyan ng lalim before. Hay, I miss high school girl, I miss my mom. At least I’m building my own now. With God’s help, masaya kami.

Her name is Che-Che. She’s one of the best person who taught me how to appreciate PAST as LIFE’s teacher. Our friendship back then wasn’t that deep. She used to be my contender in any ways, same as I was her rival in each and everything. We never had a chance to get to know each other in a deep and serious way (for reasons we only know). It’s just so good to think that even if we’re not that close and we didn’t started the friendship that deep; we have the rarest friendship on earth.

Why am I telling you these? Because Che-Che is part of my past and forever kong dadalhin—TODAY, TOMORROW, and FOREVER.

I remember how I asked my History teacher. He’s name is Mr. Matavia. “Sir, why do we have to study Rizal’s life? I can’t see any significance na pwede nating i-connect sa nursing eh.”

True. Til now I can’t figure out what’s the connection between Rizal’s life and nursing. Is it because Rizal was a doctor? I don’t think so.

Sir Matavia answered, “Because by studying history, we’ll know what to do in the present and the future.”

It’s important we’ll look back from our past. There are things in the past na mali—in a way na ginawa nating mali. We exactly know na mali yet we continued to do it. Sir Matavia’s point is: we need to determine the right thing to do para hindi na maulit yung pangit na nakaraan.

Every one has dark past. Even me. A lot. But Ahia Hubert once told me. Once lang but tumatak talaga sa utak ko. “LEARN FROM THE PAST, dahil kung di mo matutunang pag-aralan yung past mo, hinding hindi ka makaka-move on. You’ll forever be stucked.”

See how PAST can be a good teacher? I, personally, had a lot from the past. Every day that passes by becomes a past-and every past has lesson for us to learn. Just never regret something that made you happy.

Two Lives Together

Nothing fancy. No flowers. No gowns. Just you and me. And the celebrant of course.

June 26, 2010, 3:20 PM. Vows, rings, you and me.

I'm glad I have you, marry you and be with you for the rest of our lives.

No divorce, no any kind of separation. Screw it.

I love you.